Step 3: Utilize Self-Care Strategies

I have been working on my September newsletter and thought this was an independently shareable section. Enjoy! Be sure to sign up for my newsletter for more “hope for healing” guidance.

Step 3: Utilize Self-Care Strategies

I created a list of coping skills I have learned and utilized along my healing journey. This is most certainly not an all-inclusive list. My recommendation to you is start researching ideas for some self-care strategies. Then try them on for size. Some will work, some will not. We are unique beings so there is no cure-all fix. I, personally, love writing with meditative music in the background. Friends of mine have tried listening to meditative music while working and practically dozed off. Their productivity nose-diving into snoozeville.

However, to aid you on your self-care journey, here are ten kick-start ideas:

Surround yourself with positivity: Positive energy. Positive people. Positive places. If you find yourself surrounded by energy-vampires, eliminate your exposure to their toxic energy or, at least, off-set it with positive people.

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

Nap: Seriously. Treat yourself to a nap. Curl up with a favorite movie and a blankie. Sit outside in a lounge chair, close your eyes and let yourself doze off for a bit. Snuggle with a fur-baby and snooze away. Allow yourself the gift of rest.

Exercise without telling yourself you are exercising: One of my best friends came over for a swim and she mentioned how she loved swimming laps and doing treading exercises while we all hung out in the pool because it didn’t “feel like exercise”. Dance for an hour around your house. Take a bike ride. Walk your dog for thirty minutes. Anything that has you moving without dreading it.

Photo by Hermes Rivera on Unsplash

Know your food cravings: Being aware of food’s addictive effect on me (I am a carboholic and sweet-tooth junkie!) has helped me curb those cravings a bit. Therefore, I have been trying more Paleo-based recipes. Particularly in the crock-pot so dinner is ready when we walk in the door.

Try a fun new social gathering: Singo rocks! It’s like Bingo (Tuesday nights, sitting next to my Grandma Kitty, in Guardian Angels church undercroft come to mind), but instead of scanning your card for O-63 and B-11, you sing along to songs and find those on your Singo card. It’s my new favorite!

Practice positive self-talk: I saw my reflection in the mirror as I cleaned our bathroom this morning and I stopped to smile at me. Then I said, “I love you, T. You’re cute.” Try to be your own best friend. Lift yourself up with encouraging words.

Treat yourself: I am headed off to Florida (which is a treat in and of itself) and decided a super-blonde, super-short new “do” was in order. Remember, you are so incredibly worthy. Reward yourself for all the tasks you accomplish every day.

Create your own space: My writing space is a sanctuary filled with everything Teri – from my currently burning vanilla-scented candle to my angel paintings to my collection of treasured hearts and so much more. Allow yourself a sacred space dedicated to you.

Appreciate nature: Find time to walk outside, even for just a few minutes, and enjoy something – the warmth of the sun, the pink clouds at sunset, a parade of ants marching off with seeds in tow, the sounds of birds chatting on a wire. Nature is a grounding force that reminds us of the simplicity of life.

Find a new hobby: I love finding and collecting hearts. I also love photos. I have combined the two and created a new page on my website featuring all of my heart pics. Most of them I have taken, but a few have been shared with me by friends. I have friends and family looking for love all around them, as well, as they seek out hearts.

Coming up next month: Step 4: Take action steps to create positive change.

Freeze & Free

I normally avoid reading anything that might trigger a symptomatic C-PTSD response. Nothing violent, especially incidents involving guns. However, I felt compelled to read an article I found re-posted in my ACEs Connection community, titled:

The tender, terrifying truth about what happened inside the Trader Joe’s hostage siege

This article, published in the Los Angeles Times, recounts the recent Trader Joe’s murder scene from the eyes of those held hostage inside the store. I am sharing my “gut reaction” response to that article, as shared on the ACEs Connection post:

Wow. Tears streaming. I just had a conversation last night with friends over dinner about fight/flight/freeze responses in moments of terror. It came up as a topic as our dogs were recently attacked by another dog while hiking in a nature preserve and our friends chiming in about their dog being attacked while walking in our neighborhood. We all responded differently: I froze in terror, unable to move. Meanwhile, my partner sprung immediately into action and lifted our little dog above her head, using her body to shield and block our labradoodle, while screaming at the owner of the attacking animal to grab his. Of the other couple, the wife dove on her dog, trying to protect it. Her husband used violence to try to stop the attack. 

I have survived two armed bank robberies, both resulting in bloodshed, both perpetrated by the same gunmen (they were not caught after the first robbery of our branch office and returned three months later to rob our main office – I had just transferred from the branch to the main office). In both instances I came face-to-face with the assailants. Robbery one – held hostage with a gun to my left temple while watching my coworker bleed profusely from three stab wounds to his back. The second robbery – as a coworker was shot and murdered (by the same gunman and gun that had been held to my head only three months prior), I was hiding after fleeing the bank and heard approaching footsteps, running hard and fast, when I looked to my right, only to be staring down the barrel of a semi-automatic Luger. Fortunately, a K-9 unit was in hot pursuit, the Luger misfired, and my life was spared. Yet again.

Reading this story, something I normally do not do as I avoid anything that may trigger my C-PTSD symptoms, I was moved to tears. Not tears of fear or sadness. I sat staring at my computer screen, as those tears cascaded, and said out lout, “That was beautiful.” 

The compassion shown by a hostage toward the gunman was truly magnificent. As I have come to a place of forgiveness for my transgressors (including both bank robbers/murderers), I realized I had no idea what had transpired in their lives. Had they been abused, neglected, terrorized in some way as children? Where had they turned away from innocence and started down a dark road of hopelessness? In a way, I connected with Moss, this calm and gentle soul, who grounded the gunman, connecting with him on a heart level. I have done that with my own gun-toting ghosts, in forgiving them. 

I froze in terror during those bank robberies/murder scenes. 

This woman, a hero in my eyes, did not fight or flee or freeze. She felt. She connected. She empathized. She calmed. She empowered. And in doing so, she saved lives. Including the life of a lost-soul gun-wielding perpetrator. 

Beautiful.

Inspiring Women & Menopause Brain

This is one of those feel-good stories, but in typical Teri fashion, it’ll be long.

As I was cruising through my Facebook feed a week or so ago, I came across the words “inspiring women” and it caught my attention. It was an ad from Western & Southern Life asking for nominations of inspiring women. I turned to Jen and said, “I’m going to send in something about YOU!” So, I proceeded to type out the following:

“I nominate my beautiful partner, Jennifer. Jen put herself through college while working full-time, has broken through the glass ceiling in a male-dominated industry, is admired by not only her peers but executive management, is the first female materials manager in North America for her global firm, is an inspiration to our 12 year old daughter in example of what a strong woman can be, is on parish council at our church, co-chaired the walkathon for our daughter’s school to raise funds to support our students, is a fun and entertaining host for our backyard drive-in movie parties, a brilliant project manager in our home, a compassionate soul who is renowned for her hugs, loves our two fur babies, adores our kiddo beyond measure, and brightens this world with her light. I am blessed to know her and love her.”

I paid no attention to the dates of the prize package. The prize to be awarded was a 4-pack of tickets and VIP suite access to the upcoming Western & Southern Open 2018 held at the Lindner Tennis Center in Mason. There was also going to be a videographer there to interview both of us.

Meanwhile, we planned our trip to Panama City Beach, FL. Jen’s mom will be traveling from North Carolina to stay with the doggos. Maddie is bringing one of her adorable friends along. We purchased airfare for the girls to fly back for a volleyball tourney.

Yay! Vacation!

Then . . . I received the phone call . . . we won!

My reaction was similar to this 😍😮😵😲😳

I instantly called Megan at W&S back (from the hallway of AMC Theater as we prepared to watch Mama Mia 2). I left a message with all of the details. Apologizing profusely.

The next day, Megan and her just-as-sweet cohort Abby stepped into action. They tried everything they could to get us tickets to Sunday’s finals (as we’d be back in town by then) or a Friday night or Saturday morning event (we were willing to leave Florida a day early to make it back).

Nada.

Jen even considered flying back for a day. We found pretty decent fair ($200 each way), but she’d be operating on about 3 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. Plus time away from our trip, totaling 2 days out of our 7 (and with our deciding to drive instead of fly this time around that limits our actual beach time even more).

So, we decided our family time together was our priority. We both feel incredibly honored to have been chosen a winner in this “inspiring women” contest. How amazing!

Most of all, the words I wrote were heartfelt truth. I am truly blessed to know Jen and love her. Our home is filled with laughter, compassion, support, endless projects, friendship, sappy movies, goofy conversations with our dogs as if they are human, and the sweetest kiddo who knows she’s treasured, valued, respected and loved.

Thank you, Jennifer, for being my favorite “inspiring woman”! And, thank you, Western & Southern for honoring my submission. What a beautiful testimony to the story of us. Megan and Abby . . . if you read this . . . you rock! And, yes, you are totally invited to the dive-in movie party.

**** Update: I just received an email from the fabulous Megan/Abby team offering us suite access to a Cincinnati Reds baseball or FC Cincinnati soccer game since we cannot make the tennis tournament. I love these women. They have made this experience just . . . beautiful.