Receiving a Rock for Christmas: ACEs Parenting 101


“Mom, Your life and work are so inspiring. Your social media presence is a light for people on a day to day basis. Your podcasts are influencing in all the right ways. Your writings are beautiful works of love that all need to hear. Keep up all your hard work and the dividends will exponentially grow. Remember that love is everywhere and I will always support you, even from across the country from atop mountains. Love, John” 

John Wellbrock – letter to mom, Teri Wellbrock, Christmas 2018

I have been collecting hearts for a few years now. My friends will send me photos of hearts they find. I will post pics on social media of my heart finds. I even recently wrote an e-book, Stop Thinking . . . Just Love, filled with over six hundred heart photos. I have a collection of hearts on their own page on my website. And in my sacred writing space, I have a collection of special hearts given to me by loved ones, friends, and therapists.

Christmas 2018 I added a special Rocky Mountains heart to my treasure. My oldest son, John, my kindred spirit, my boy with a physicist’s mind and a poet’s heart, gave me the gift of a rock for Christmas.

Yep. A rock.

Plus, a letter. Written from his heart.

I have sometimes questioned my parenting skills. Am I doing this right? Did I coddle them too much, trying to compensate for my own painful childhood, filled with moments of terror and abandonment? Did I do too much for them? Overprotect them to a fault? Should I have let them fall and stumble more often? I wanted them safe. I wanted them to feel loved and protected and treasured. I wanted them to know they were wanted and their opinions mattered.

Or I’d ridicule myself for not being strong enough to fight for them. For emotionally abandoning them when I was lost and hurting. Those endless years I’d spent holed up in a dark room, smoking cigarettes, playing mindless computer games or seeking solace from strangers in AOL chat rooms, shooing my children away.

Learning to forgive myself, forgive my parents, and forgive my transgressors, altered my life. It’s not for everyone. But, that’s what worked for me. That’s my message to the world. Take it or leave it.

I reminded a friend the other day that no matter what decisions we make regarding our children, if we do so with love as our driving force, with intentions filled with hopeful promise, then, yes, we are doing it right.

Years ago, I told my children I was so very sorry for anything I had done to hurt them. I explained that none of it was ever done in malice. I accepted responsibility for my actions in hurting them. And they graciously offered the beautiful gift of forgiveness to me.

Yesterday, on Christmas morning, 2018, as my tears flowed, and I threw my arms around my now twenty-five-year-old baby boy, I knew in my heart . . . I did it right.

And as I kissed my eighty-three-year-old mother good-bye, as she left our home, my heart overflowing with joy at her having made it through our first family Christmas celebration EVER without drinking alcohol, I realized that she did it right, too.

She had abandoned me emotionally as a child while lost in her own pain and her self-medicating through Valium and booze. She had summoned my father to hit me when she wanted silence. Yet, I know on a soul level, she loved me. And some how, some way, that love permeated.

So here we are. Healing a once-festering wound. Enjoying our new normal, a relationship filled with phone calls and shopping and laughter and movie dates. Mother-daughter endeavors I had only dreamed of having and had envied in others.

I now realize my mom needed to heal her own pain. Did she hurt me in her flailing? Absolutely. Am I saying it was acceptable? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that parenting is a struggle . . . especially when we have lived adverse childhood experiences ourselves and are still working through our own healing process. Yet, love prevails. It really does.

Some may disagree with me. That’s fine. But, I like to look at the positives and focus on the hope. The hope of healing. The hope that permeates forgiveness. The hope that is love.

So, yes, here we are. Loving our children, my mom and me. We did it in our own ways. But, we did it right.

#nevergiveup

Defining Resilience Series: Step 7 – Learn to Become Our Own Hero

Defining Resilience


Step 7: Learn to Become Our Own Hero

Before diving into step 7, a reminder about resilience: it is defined as the ability to overcome adverse conditions; with healthy bonding relationships, guidance, support, and compassion as the catalysts. Basically, it entails having the capacity to bounce back from stressful or overwhelming experiences. 

What are some steps we can take to ensure we are building resilience in our lives?

  1. Focus on the positives. 
  2. Seek out and nurture supportive relationships.
  3. Utilize self-care strategies. 
  4. Take action steps to create positive change.
  5. Work on healthy habit formation. 
  6. Find a guiding hand to hold.
  7. Learn to become our own hero. 
  8. Be gentle with ourselves.

Today we will cover Step 7: Learn to become our own hero.

One of those ah-ha moments in my life came when I realized that it was not up to anyone else to “save” me. Instead, I started to look to myself for empowerment. I experienced what I call “a shift” in 2013. Think of it as a change in philosophy, a willingness to open myself up to healing and answers. I allowed myself the gift of becoming my own hero. We all have the capacity for becoming our own superhero; we just need to open our hearts, minds, and souls to the possibility.

So, how did I learn to become my own hero? A whole helluva lot of research . . . along with some trial and error. The sole purpose of my Unicorn Shadows: From Trauma to Triumph – A Healing Guide book that I am finishing up the manuscript on is to guide others through the research I completed and allow readers an opportunity to engage in the steps I utilized. 

I will give you a head start here and offer five suggestions for starting your superhero work (go ahead and put that cape on!):

  • Build your knowledge by reading, watching, listening, and absorbing all you can about healthy self-care strategies: I have a resource library full of books I have read (filled with mark-ups for ideas that spoke to my soul). I will be adding those titles to my website some time over the next few months. I’ll be sure to send you an access code once I do so you can dive into those books and articles. I also have a bookmark folder on my web browser filled with articles and websites that provide healing guidance. I would list them all, but what speaks to MY soul might not speak to YOURS. Therefore, I recommend you search for self-help topics that pique your interest. Do searches on your local library site (did you know you can check out books online, too?), Amazon, YouTube, Vimeo, web browsers, by key words, Pinterest, Facebook – the options are endless. 
  • Be open to crazy awesome options for healing: When I started opening my mind up to new possibilities for healing my trauma wounds and relieving the resulting symptoms, miracles started to happen. No, seriously. For real. I started practicing exercises such as Ho’oponopono Hawaiian healing technique, the Ah Meditation, energy healing, and so much more. Next on my list is goat yoga! Watch my beautiful podcast interview with Belinda Farrell of Huna Healing for more information on Ho’oponopono. 
  • Choose one and try it: This seems pretty self-evident, but how many times have we made grandiose plans, done the research, but then stopped right there. It’s scary sometimes to try something new. Right? But, the best way to learn if something will help you feel more empowered is to simply DO it. Give it a whirl. Maybe a few whirls. If it works . . . yay! You can add that patch to your superhero cape. If not, see the next suggestion.
  • If it does not work, file it away, see it as a learning lesson, and move on to the next idea: This can be tough, too. We feel like we are giving up. Or maybe questioning, “Why does this work for other people, but not me?” Please know that we are all different with an eclectic mix of backgrounds. What works for one person might not work for us because of genetics or experiences (such as adverse childhood experiences or ACEs) or a combination of factors. Regardless, it’s okay. Put it in the “life lesson” file folder and move on to another superhero adventure. 
  • Build your superhero portfolio to use as needed: Once you have established a collection of tools . . . think of Batman’s utility belt . . . you will feel more empowered just by having more choices from which to turn to for your self-care strategies. But, keep on adding options as you grow stronger. Get yourself ready for your superhero strut. Watch out, world. Another bad-ass trauma-warrior is in the making.

Coming up next month: Step 8: Be gentle with ourselves.

*Excerpt from my upcoming Hope for Healing Newsletter . . . I would love to welcome you onto the Hope for Healing team! Join me here!

The Healing Place Podcast Episode 51: Belinda Farrell – Huna Healing

Welcome to The Healing Place Podcast! I’m your host, Teri Wellbrock. You can listen in on iTunes, Blubrry or directly on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com/podcasts/. You can also watch our interview on YouTube.

I was excited to engage in this powerfully healing conversation with Belinda Farrell – Reconnective Healing Practitioner, Huna Consultant, and Public Speaker – about her personal journey from trauma to triumph. What a fascinating life lived by a beautiful soul.

Belinda Farrell has overcome major life challenges—the suicide of her son, complete financial loss, and healing a degenerated spine without surgery. But all was not lost. By using ancient Hawaiian techniques and accepting responsibility for every aspect of her life, she was able to rise from the ashes, find her friggin’ joy, and now she’s sharing this invaluable information with others in her book, Find Your Friggin’ Joy.

“This is a no-nonsense book for those who are willing to take an active part in their healing,” explains Farrell. “Chapter 2 is entitled ‘Sissies Turn Back’ because this book is going to challenge you at the core level to face what one must face in order to be free.  I had to do some deep soul searching which might be considered scary. A sissy would run away from something scary. This book is not for sissies. I invite you to take a peek within these pages. I promise, as you do the inner work, and use the tools described within the chapters, you will not only discover what holds you back in life, but also find that friggin’ joy that’s been locked away for so long.”

In Find Your Friggin’ Joy, Farrell takes readers on a journey using ancient Hawaiian teachings that invite the reader to forgive themselves and others, unplug from their old non-productive stories, and step into the frequencies of their Higher Self. Connecting with these frequencies can heal your physical body, bring you back into balance, lighten your load, and fulfill your soul’s purpose.

Bio: Belinda Farrell, author of the book Find Your Friggin’ Joy, graduated with a BA in Spanish and English from the University of California at Berkeley and is trained in hypnotherapy, past life regression, NLP, Hawaiian chanting, and ancient Hawaiian healing (Huna). Belinda trained with Anthony Robbins (author of Unlimited Power) and has effectively used these skills in her own life. She has completed 18 firewalks. When Belinda was forty-eight, she collapsed with herniated discs and spinal nerve damage. Threatened with paralysis by her medical doctors if she didn’t have surgery, Belinda instead chose to apply the ancient Hawaiian healing practices she had been learning the previous three years, which are covered in this book. Her back completely healed, including childhood scoliosis. For fifteen years she has been sharing these healing practices with others, offering Reconnective Healing and Huna classes and taking clients to Hawaii to teach Huna and swim with wild spinner dolphins.

Website:  www.HunaHealing.com

Peace,

Teri

Hope for Healing Newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/9813e51db66b/hope-for-healing-newsletter-december-2018

Book Launch Team: https://www.facebook.com/groups/unicornshadows/

The Healing Place Podcast Episode 52: Jessie Graham – Co-creating Change

Welcome to The Healing Place Podcast! I’m your host, Teri Wellbrock. You can listen in on iTunes, Blubrry or directly on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com/podcasts/. You can also watch our interview on YouTube.

I enjoyed this beautiful conversation with Jessie Graham on her work with clients, teachers, and students utilizing her co-creating change philosophies and techniques.

Jessie shared the following with me (and made my heart smile with her words!):

“Wow Teri,You are really good at what you do!  I felt so comfortable on the interview.  I am grateful for this opportunity and for meeting you!  My purpose is being supported through your podcast!” Find out more about the amazing work Jessie is doing at: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/430042750768033/ACES in Education Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/healinghappensNOW/Healing Happens NOW Facebook 

Jessie Graham Coach  https://www.jessiegrahamcoach.com/

Peace to you all!
Teri

Hope for Healing Newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/9813e51db66b/hope-for-healing-newsletter-december-2018

Book Launch Team: https://www.facebook.com/groups/unicornshadows/

The Healing Place Podcast Episode 50: Mary Giuliani

Mary Giuliani

Welcome to The Healing Place Podcast! I’m your host, Teri Wellbrock. You can listen in on iTunes, Blubrry or directly on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com.  You can also view our interview on YouTube!

I was excited to have Mary Giuliani join me for an inspirational conversation.

For the past 25 years, Master Life Coach, Transformational Talk Show Host, Speaker, and Singer & Songwriter, Mary Giuliani has dedicated her personal and professional life to inspiring and empowering her audience to listen to their hearts and be true to themselves so they can create lives they truly love.

Mary, like many people, had a difficult childhood due to being raised in a dysfunctional family that was fueled alcohol abuse, anger and chronic tension between her parents. She coped by soothing herself with food. She went on to struggle with food, weight and hating her body for over 40 years reaching a top weight of 310lbs. Fortunately after many decades of personal growth, she finally discovered the root cause of her problem…childhood trauma. Due to her dedication to healing on a psychological, physical, brain and relational level, Mary has been able to maintain a 160lb weight loss for the past 16 years.

She now shares her healing and transformational journey through coaching women who have also had a difficult childhood and who are currently struggling with food, weight and body issues, that in order to heal, they must address the root cause that is driving their need to use food, childhood trauma.

Mary also shares her story of healing, recovery and transformation through her talk show, Mary Giuliani LIVE, through public speaking and through her original songs.

To work with Mary as a coach, book her as a speaker at your next event, watch her transformational talk show, or listen to her original songs visit her website: www.MaryGiuliani.net.

Peace to you all!

Teri

Hope for Healing Newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/6d83db4cf426/hope-for-healing-newsletter-november-2018

Book Launch Team: https://www.facebook.com/groups/unicornshadows/

Coping Strategy: Smile

Coping Strategy
(as shared from my Hope for Healing monthly newsletter)

I want to share one coping strategy a month. These are strategies I use (or have used) in my own life as I travel the healing journey. I hope they bring you tranquility, as well!

Smile

I recently interviewed Bob Lancer of http://schoolsupportmotivation.com/and https://7mindsets.com/ on The Healing Place Podcast. As we discussed the Seven Mindsets, I was reminded how I had made a concerted effort to change my thinking patterns and create new habits filled with positivity instead of focusing on the struggles when I first started out on my healing journey. One of the strategies I used when experiencing a panic attack was forcing myself to smile while in the midst of panic! Practicing this exercise, while feeling incredibly overwhelmed with symptoms (sweaty palms, racing thoughts, tunnel vision, pounding heart), created a shift in chemicals surging through my body. I utilized positivity to counteract the fear response that was surfacing.I was reminded to keep a small smile on my face during meditations, as well. I am continually amazed how a conscious effort to smile can instantly create a shift in my mindset. My shoulders will usually relax, my breath slows down, and I can feel a change in my attitude. Such a simple act can have powerful effects. Practice doing it today and notice the impact it has on the moment, your day, and your overall life.

The Seven Mindsets:

  1. Everything is possible.
  2. We are connected.
  3. Passion first.
  4. 100% accountability in every situation.
  5. The attitude of gratitude.
  6. Live to give.
  7. The time is now.
Remember to focus on what there is to appreciate in every moment. There is always a reason to smile.

The Healing Place Podcast Episode 49: Bob Lancer – 7 Mindsets & Coaching Work

Welcome to The Healing Place Podcast! I’m your host, Teri Wellbrock. You can listen in on iTunes, Blubrry or directly on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com/podcasts/. You can also view our interview on YouTube!

I was thrilled to engage in an insightful conversation with Bob Lancer regarding his seminar and coaching work related to http://schoolsupportmotivation.com/ and https://7mindsets.com/. Please join us as we discuss his role in:

* changing minds
* working with teachers to help liberate children’s true selves
* his work with adults recovering from abusive relationships
* 7 mindsets demonstrated by the happiest and most successful people on earth

As shared by Bob:

“Bob Lancer has been a parent educator and coach, as well as a professional development trainer for teachers, for over 3 decades. His work includes helping individuals recognize and recover from trauma patterns received in early childhood that keep them locked into self-defeating reaction patterns and intense emotional suffering. He works in association with 7Mindsets (see www.7mindsets.com), a leading edge company that delivers the only Mindsets based Social Emotional Learning programs in schools. For more information about Bob’s work, and to schedule a complimentary coaching session with him, visit www.boblancer.com.”

You can reach out to Bob at his schoolsupportmotivation.com website – be sure to mention this podcast for a free PDF of his upcoming book: “The 7 Mindsets of Extraordinary Parenting.”

Peace to you all!
Teri

Hope for Healing Newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/6d83db4cf426/hope-for-healing-newsletter-november-2018

Book Launch Team: https://www.facebook.com/groups/unicornshadows/