Defining Resilience Series: Step 4 – Take Action Steps to Create Positive Change

Defining Resilience


Step 4: Take Action Steps to Create Positive Change

Before diving into step 4, a reminder about resilience: it is defined as the ability to overcome adverse conditions; with healthy bonding relationships, guidance, support, and compassion as the catalysts. Basically, it entails having the capacity to bounce back from stressful or overwhelming experiences.

What are some steps we can take to ensure we are building resilience in our lives?

  1. Focus on the positives. 
  2. Seek out and nurture supportive relationships.
  3. Utilize self-care strategies. 
  4. Take action steps to create positive change.
  5. Work on healthy habit formation. 
  6. Find a guiding hand to hold.
  7. Learn to become our own hero. 
  8. Be gentle with ourselves.

Today we will cover Step 4: Take action steps to create positive change.

In order to overcome the panic attack and anxiety symptoms I had been experiencing for over twenty-five years, I had to make some serious changes in my mindset. I also had to be willing to change my habits, instill healthy boundaries, build my support system, and welcome challenges. These days I pat myself on the back for investing time and energy into ME and creating a life filled with tranquility even in the midst of storms.

Here are ten action steps you can implement in your life in order to create positive change:

  • Be honest with yourself: Take a good look at your life in order to determine where you really want to make some positive changes. Make a pros and cons list, journal it out, or talk it over with a friend. Do you want a more spiritual existence? Then what can you do to change that? Do you want to feel more fit and healthy? What are some realistic options to make that happen? And so on. Being real with what you want will give you a clear goal.
  • Welcome challenges as opportunities for growth: If you approach your action steps with a “bring it” attitude, you will take the negative power out of any challenges which might arise. Remind yourself that you might stumble. And that’s okay. Look at mistakes or setbacks as opportunities for growth. I recently visited the gulf coast in Florida and allowed my fears to overwhelm me on a beach visit. I closed in on myself and held a pity party. However, within a few hours, I gave myself a pep talk and headed back out to the shore. I conquered my phobias and enjoyed a moment in the “now” as I played with my family in the surf.
  • Small steps add up: You do not have to accomplish your goal all at once or have it completed in day one. If you are wanting to be more active, turn off your television or phone or video games for an hour. Then go move. Walk in the park, hop on your bike, turn on music and dance around your kitchen while you cook. No need to toss the television out the window . . . yet! Start making new habits one little step at a time. What will your first small step be?
  • Treat others as you would like to be treated: That whole golden rule thing. It really does help bring positivity into your life. Try smiling at others and take note of their responses. Sure, you might run into a few folks who are having a bad day (or life) and ignore your gesture, but that’s cool. Send them a little private wish for positivity in their lives then move on to the next person for a smile exchange. Try doing favors for others without expecting a favor in return. Maybe join a volunteer organization to give back to your community. As you nurture kindness, that will radiate into all aspects of your life. Keep track of how many people returned your smile today . . . you might be surprised!
  • Remove/reduce negativity: I really could live without a television. I rarely have it on. And, wow, is my life more fulfilling now that I keep it from infiltrating my peaceful space. I also listen to meditative music. I avoid violent, disrespectful, and negative song lyrics. I have put limitations in place regarding toxic people in my life . . . those energy vampires I have mentioned before. I do not remove them completely as I hope maybe some day my glitter-shitter attitude will rub off on them, but I do walk away if I start to feel overwhelmed by their negativity. It’s a gift I give myself. Is there anyone in your life needing a boundary adjustment so as to minimize their pull on your positive energy?
  • Practice self-care: A powerful tool for creating positive changes in your life is self-care. Using positive affirmations, utilizing healthy eating choices, engaging in activities that promote laughter and smiling, allowing yourself permission to rest or do “no-thing”, and finding a hobby are all examples of self-care. Choose one self-care practice to start today!
  • Eliminate unhealthy/unsafe choices: One of the best decisions I ever made for myself was quitting smoking. I breathe better, feel better, smell better, and live better. Recognizing my stress eating and carb addiction helped me make the choice to treat my body better, fueling it with healthier options. What unhealthy choices have you been wanting to eliminate? What’s stopping you from cutting it from your life?
  • Build a supportive social network: Whether you join an online group, engage in a volunteer organization, or reach out to someone new, make sure you surround yourself with others who lift your spirits and promote positive actions. Avoid the gossip groups and bitch-session gatherings. It’s okay to vent now and then, just don’t dwell there. Do you have a circle of support? If not, envision it. Then take those small steps to make it happen.
  • Challenge yourself: Believe in you! And show it by challenging yourself to accomplish something you have long wanted to do. Have you been wanting to go back to school and finish up a degree? Are you an artist looking for an audience . . . then create an online store or sign up for a craft show booth. Again, believe in you!
  • Dive deep: It can be scary going back into the dark spaces of your heart and soul. At the same time, it can be liberating. If you need to hold a hand (friend, therapist, religious leader, or coach), by all means, do so. You will find you are so much stronger than you may have thought possible. I certainly believe in you. By diving deep and revisiting those dark spaces, you will empower yourself with each triumph of merely returning to peek in. My hope for you, for all of us, is that we will eventually be able to shine our light so brightly, there is no more darkness.
Coming up next month: Step 5: Work on healthy habit formation.

Defining Resilience: Step 3 – Utilize Self-Care Strategies

I have been working on my September newsletter and thought this was an independently shareable section. Enjoy! Be sure to sign up for my newsletter for more “hope for healing” guidance.

Step 3: Utilize Self-Care Strategies

I created a list of coping skills I have learned and utilized along my healing journey. This is most certainly not an all-inclusive list. My recommendation to you is start researching ideas for some self-care strategies. Then try them on for size. Some will work, some will not. We are unique beings so there is no cure-all fix. I, personally, love writing with meditative music in the background. Friends of mine have tried listening to meditative music while working and practically dozed off. Their productivity nose-diving into snoozeville.

However, to aid you on your self-care journey, here are ten kick-start ideas:

Surround yourself with positivity: Positive energy. Positive people. Positive places. If you find yourself surrounded by energy-vampires, eliminate your exposure to their toxic energy or, at least, off-set it with positive people.

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

Nap: Seriously. Treat yourself to a nap. Curl up with a favorite movie and a blankie. Sit outside in a lounge chair, close your eyes and let yourself doze off for a bit. Snuggle with a fur-baby and snooze away. Allow yourself the gift of rest.

Exercise without telling yourself you are exercising: One of my best friends came over for a swim and she mentioned how she loved swimming laps and doing treading exercises while we all hung out in the pool because it didn’t “feel like exercise”. Dance for an hour around your house. Take a bike ride. Walk your dog for thirty minutes. Anything that has you moving without dreading it.

Photo by Hermes Rivera on Unsplash

Know your food cravings: Being aware of food’s addictive effect on me (I am a carboholic and sweet-tooth junkie!) has helped me curb those cravings a bit. Therefore, I have been trying more Paleo-based recipes. Particularly in the crock-pot so dinner is ready when we walk in the door.

Try a fun new social gathering: Singo rocks! It’s like Bingo (Tuesday nights, sitting next to my Grandma Kitty, in Guardian Angels church undercroft come to mind), but instead of scanning your card for O-63 and B-11, you sing along to songs and find those on your Singo card. It’s my new favorite!

Practice positive self-talk: I saw my reflection in the mirror as I cleaned our bathroom this morning and I stopped to smile at me. Then I said, “I love you, T. You’re cute.” Try to be your own best friend. Lift yourself up with encouraging words.

Treat yourself: I am headed off to Florida (which is a treat in and of itself) and decided a super-blonde, super-short new “do” was in order. Remember, you are so incredibly worthy. Reward yourself for all the tasks you accomplish every day.

Create your own space: My writing space is a sanctuary filled with everything Teri – from my currently burning vanilla-scented candle to my angel paintings to my collection of treasured hearts and so much more. Allow yourself a sacred space dedicated to you.

Appreciate nature: Find time to walk outside, even for just a few minutes, and enjoy something – the warmth of the sun, the pink clouds at sunset, a parade of ants marching off with seeds in tow, the sounds of birds chatting on a wire. Nature is a grounding force that reminds us of the simplicity of life.

Find a new hobby: I love finding and collecting hearts. I also love photos. I have combined the two and created a new page on my website featuring all of my heart pics. Most of them I have taken, but a few have been shared with me by friends. I have friends and family looking for love all around them, as well, as they seek out hearts.

Coming up next month: Step 4: Take action steps to create positive change.

Defining Resilience: Step 1 – Focus on the Positives

A sneak peak at a portion of my upcoming Hope for Healing newsletter scheduled for delivery July 1st. Subscribe at Hope for Healing newsletter or on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com. Thanks!
Defining Resilience
Step 1: Focus on the Positives
 

Before diving into step 1, a reminder about resilience: it is defined as the ability to overcome adverse conditions; with healthy bonding relationships, guidance, support, and compassion as the catalysts. Basically, it entails having the capacity to bounce back from stressful or overwhelming experiences.

What are some steps we can take to ensure we are building resilience in our lives?

  1. Focus on the positives. 
  2. Seek out and nurture supportive relationships.
  3. Utilize self-care strategies. 
  4. Take action steps to create positive change.
  5. Work on healthy habit formation. 
  6. Find a guiding hand to hold.
  7. Learn to become our own hero. 
  8. Be gentle with ourselves.

Today we will cover Step 1: Focus on the positives.

I love when my memories pop up on Facebook. I can glance back at my life over the past nine years, since joining that social media platform, and re-live the joys. Sure there is an occasional post where I set a gripe free, but it’s mostly happy-sunshine stuff.

However, it has not always been that way. This glitter-shitter stuff took a lot of effort. I had to completely revamp my habits in some areas. Here are eight suggestions to incorporate into your own life:

  • Surround yourself with positive energy: I made a concerted effort to remove toxic people from my life, or at least, how much exposure I had to their toxicity. Those energy vampires are draining. Emotionally, spiritually, even physically.
  • Create positive affirmations: I made mine using a Word doc, incorporating heart shapes into the doc, then filling the heart with nature photos I’ve snapped. Here is one of many I’ve created:
  • Practice mindfulness: This is a way to be present with all of your blessings in the present moment. Let your past worries go. Do not focus on future “what ifs”. Just be here. In this moment. With everything peaceful in the moment. I like to practice mine in nature settings as I find tranquility in that space.
  • Re-direct your negative thoughts: I will purposefully stop myself mid-thought and say, “Nope. Let’s think about this in a positive way, T.” Example: my eighty-two year old mom was taking F.O.R.E.V.E.R. strolling through the grocery store. My own to-do list was nagging at me and I found myself becoming impatient with her. I stopped myself right there in the condiments aisle and just looked at her little hand reaching for the hot sauce. I smiled in the moment, knowing I am blessed to still have her with me.
  • Smile: It sounds simple enough. But, seriously. It requires effort sometimes. I try to remind myself to connect with others through a smile. It truly is amazing how people respond. Sometimes they actually look surprised to see someone smiling at them! But, almost always, they smile back.
  • Look for the light in the darkness: This can seem an impossible task. Especially if you are hurting or struggling. But, I promise, you will help yourself recover your footing if you find that light, that thing, whatever it is in your dark moment. Focus on it, treasure it, remind yourself of it as often as needed. Purposefully seek out a positive force, solution, or beacon.
  • Share the positivity: Put your happiness out into the world. I keep a happy thoughts journal. I also share my joys on social media. I write about things that make my heart happy. I try to offer positive solutions to others. Through radiating joy, I bring more joy into my life.
  • Give of yourself: I ran into a teacher I used to work with while pumping gas earlier today. She made my heart smile when she said, “It’s not been the same since you left. We miss you. The kids really need you.” She was talking about the job I had as a mental health specialist working in various school settings. Helping those kiddos, offering them coping skills and a chance to talk about their struggles, sharing my positive energy, helped bring positivity into my life. I knew I was making a difference in their lives. I still do this though our therapy dog services, meeting with kids to discuss anxiety and the important role of therapy animals in healing.
Coming up next month: Step 2: Seek out and nurture supportive relationships.

Where Can I Find Some Skin-Thickening Cream?

I was sitting here in my writing space, contemplating ideas for today’s blog post, when a friend commented on an article I shared in my Unicorn Shadows Book Launch Group on Facebook. The article I shared was You Can’t Be Trauma-Informed If You Can’t See the Trauma – a fantastic reminder to keep in mind that we have not traveled another person’s journey, therefore, wearing a trauma-informed lens will help us to see beyond the after-math of trauma and, at the same time, avoid our own triggering. This beautiful friend shared:

“It’s so hard!! From my trauma I tend to take everything personally!! Yikes!! I need some skin thickening cream!! If you have anything helpful for that, let me know!! Thanks!!”

That was my blog post inspiration: a how-to on “thickening one’s skin” to being triggered in our own trauma history. I used to find myself responding to other’s without understanding the underlying currents flowing beneath my gut reactions. One of the first memories that comes to mind relates to my interactions with the director of a preschool where I taught many years ago.

I had been doing the stay-at-home-mom thing for years, but was asked if I would be willing to teach part-time at the preschool where my then two-year-old daughter was attending. I adore kids and their amazing logic, sponge-brains always absorbing, and their knack for teaching us grown-ups about unconditional love. So I climbed on board the preschool wagon. A year in, this new director was brought on board . . . the one I allowed to push my buttons.

The day I walked into my classroom to find it completely rearranged, with new labels in place on some of my stations (i.e. sensory table, science area, reading corner), my head went kaboom! I stomped into her office and stated my case, accusing her of disrespecting my role as a teacher and violating my space and all I had accomplished in setting it up exactly as I had envisioned. There was an apology (of sorts) and we ended up coming to an agreement of terms on how we would handle any future changes she deemed necessary in the classroom. Fair enough.

In hindsight, I look back and realize how my response had little to do with the changes she made – they actually made sense and were beneficial for the children – and everything to do with the remnants of the trauma history of my youth. Walking into that classroom left me feeling as if I had no control, no voice, a loss of power within the confines of my space, and fearing retaliation if I would speak up.

What can we do if we find ourselves easily triggered by the actions or words of others?

  1.  Pause. Stop. Take a breath. Step back. 

All of those little tidbits of advice we hear often when we find ourselves stressing out. They work. If we stop for just a moment to notice the reaction we are experiencing, we can allow ourselves the opportunity to “be gentle” with ourselves and “just notice”. When I stand in front of audiences and share my Story of Hope,  I emphasize these two points.

Learning to be gentle with myself was a huge catalyst for healing. I learned to simply allow the feelings to be, without judging them, without trying to correct or guide them. I just let whatever was surfacing to flow through me. Then I would allow it to dissipate. Again, without judgment. The concept of “just noticing” is a part of this process. I allow myself the opportunity to experience whatever is rising to the surface within me by merely noticing it, observing it.

2. Remind ourselves we have not traveled another’s journey.

When I learned the concept of forgiveness on a soul level, it allowed me the opportunity to look at my transgressor’s lives from outside my own wounds. I reminded myself that I had not traveled their road. While I was not justifying their actions in any way, I was gifting myself freedom by releasing their negative impact on my current life. I allowed them their journey and, in so doing, continued along my own without them tagging along.

Perhaps my transgressors had been abused, neglected, hurt in profound ways, or traumatized. Their actions toward me or my indirect involvement in their actions really had little to do with me.

3. Send positivity toward others.

Once we have paused, then reminded ourselves we do not know another’s driving force for their negative behaviors, we can turn around our normally automated defensive reaction and instead send some positive energy toward that person/situation. That can be a quick prayer, a wish for the individual to find a moment of peace,  a sincere smile followed by silence, a purposeful sending of love from our heart toward the offender’s, whatever way feels as if you are sending positive energy.

By allowing this affirmative energy to flow from us, from a heart and soul place in lieu of an ego perspective, we empower ourselves in the process while providing much-needed goodness toward others.

4. Journal about the moment. 

When all is said and done, record it in some way. Journal, make a video blog, voice record it, again, document it in whatever way you find helpful. The point is to allow yourself to release your encounter without judgment. Set it free, perhaps noticing what triggers arose in you initially.

Remember to be gentle with yourself and merely notice what is surfacing as you record it. I also recommend writing without editing. A free-flow release can sometimes bring to light a long-sought-after answer.

Keep me posted on your progress! I love hearing stories of positivity, inspiration, and motivation. You are worthy of peace and joy. This is one way to empower yourself with those gifts.

 

Weekly Book Launch Update February 25th

Weekly update:

I welcomed 17 new members to the book launch team putting us at a total of 854 members on board with a reach of 200,125. Which means I reached my February goal. Yay, yay, yay!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/unicornshadows/

My overall goal is to have a quarter million reach and I am less than 50,000 from that goal thanks to all of you! #thankyou

For March, I’d like to hit 1,000 team members and surpass that 250,000 reach mark. We can do this! And I truly believe it’s “we” because I would not be achieving all of these goals without my amazing support system.

I continue to work slowly on the final edits on the proposal. I want to make sure it is flawless before submitting in April. After the content edits are completed, I will have a proof-editor review it to check for any final corrections. Then it’s off to Hay House before the Hay House Writer’s Workshop submission deadline.

The podcast continues to grow. Inspirational and motivational interviews abound. I love the connections I continue to make through this venture. Plus it’s super fun! If you are looking for hope, healing, inspiring stories or some motivation . . . check out The Healing Place Podcast on iTunes or Blubrry.

I am excited to be speaking in 2 days at The University of Cincinnati Clermont College. I feel honored every time I’m invited to stand in front of others to share my story of hope.

And Sammie Doodle . . . I love that dog! She is scheduled to visit several schools over the next few weeks. We are also planning on collecting more items for a homeless shelter visit. I will reach out separately when the time comes for that. You can follow Sammie on Instagram or her Facebook page. She also has her own website at www.sammiethedoodle.com. Links for her social media pages are on the website.

Wishing you a peaceful and joyous week ahead ?

P.S. Feel free to invite friends to join this book launch page so we can reach 1,000 by the end of March.