addiction – Unicorn Shadows

My Treasured Friend, My Hero, My Inspiration . . . My Mom

In July, 2019, I walked away from my mom and all of the drama of her addiction. I had finally hit the proverbial wall and said out loud, as I stood atop a mountain in Estes Park, Colorado, on a trip to visit my oldest son, “I’m done.” Done with my role in our tumultuous co-dependent relationship, me being the cleaner-upper of messes, the “good girl”, the savior who would swoop in to save the day. Over and over and over.

A very long 2+ months later, my phone would ring and, this time, for whatever reason, I felt compelled to answer. A sober, happy, different-sounding mom was on the other end. As a result, our relationship shifted, as she had done the work she needed to do in order to begin her healing and embrace sobriety.

That’s a blog piece for another day, however. Today, I want to share the joy of a week spent with my treasured friend, my hero, my inspiration . . . my mom!

This 85-year-old hopped on a flight and visited us for the first time since we moved to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, in June 2020. She had fretted the trip, letting anticipatory anxiety get the better of her. So much so she ended up in the hospital, due to constipation, and in her words, “the worst pain I’ve ever experienced”, just days before her scheduled flight. However, she battled through and was determined to face her insecurities about travelling and boarded that southbound jet.

And we had the time of our lives together! She has told me at least ten times since returning home only five days ago, “I cannot thank you enough for such an enjoyable time. It was heaven on earth.”

Because a picture says a thousand words and my inner-photographer tried to capture as many memories as possible, here is our momma/daughter island adventures tale, as told by my Facebook posts and smiles:

Day 1: She’s here! She’s here! My mom was nervous about traveling, but she loved it. Great flight and everyone was so kind and helpful. She sat next to a lady who lives on the island and my mom offered her a ride home via us. Lol! What a neat lady and now a new friend for all of us. Dropped her at her place in Shipyard and she invited us to dinner at her place this week. Only my mom makes a friend who lives on island during a 90 minute flight. She’s awesome! She’s sitting here telling me dirty jokes



Our first outing for this mom vacation trip . . . mass! For those of you who know her, this is not a surprise. Lol!



Picked M up from work after mass and we took GJ to see the sunset at Dolphin Head before heading home for a fabulous dinner Steaks on the grill, loaded baked potatoes, and roasted carrots, broccoli, and Brussel sprouts. Mom was in foodie heaven.



Day 2: Mom slept until noon! Then spent the next hour reading her prayer book in the sun. Snuggled with her new best friend, Max. We watched NFL Red Zone and cheered on her favorite team, the Bengals. Then met our fabulous friends at Hickory Tavern for the Browns game. Mom chowed on spicy wings and told more dirty jokes Now we’re watching Pittsburgh and she’s happy to share the couch with Sammie. These dogs love her!



Day 3: This morning we hit a big sale at Belk where she picked out her birthday presents (it’s not until December but we decided we couldn’t pass up the sale). Then we ran to the Salty Dog for a sweatshirt and a bright yellow rain hat for her (pic to come). On to 2 grocery stores for her favorite drinks. And she asked to see the ocean so I took her to Islanders Beach. It’s quite a hike from the parking lot to the shore across a long pier but she did awesome. She thought the ocean breeze would blow her away though Perfect day on HHI at 72 degrees, breezy and blue skies

This one needed a post all on its own She wanted a yellow rain hat to match her yellow rain coat. Shopping at the Salty Dog and she mentioned it in line so I turned around and there it was on the shelf behind me! She is beyond adorable. I promised her we could sit outside in the sun and pray the rosary together. One happy momma. I’m treasuring every moment with her. But at the rate she’s going, she’ll outlive me!

Day 4: She’s sleeping in the sun in Maddie’s Salty Dog hoodie, holding her prayer book. She said “Don’t disturb me the rest of the day. This is wonderful.” So cute! She has said, “This is heaven on earth here” about 25 times I’m so so happy to have her here.

My mom and the crazy boy are now BFFs. She’s in love with Max and he won’t leave her alone Look how he’s sitting on her lap!

I asked her what she wanted to watch tonight and she said “I’d love to watch Snow White”. So here we sit as she sings along to all the songs and tells the evil queen how horrible she is. This movie came out when my mom was 2 years old! Makes my heart happy to hear her giggling like a little kid as she watches

Mad and I took GJ shopping then for some evening sun at Dolphin Head. I told her she looks like Emperor Palpatine with the hood pulled up on Maddie’s hoodie. Lol!

Day 5: A morning GJ story (everyone who knows her calls her GJ for grandma Joann):
Jen and I made her coffee for her with her favorite Starbucks white chocolate mocha creamer and put it in a lighter cup as the big cup we had given her was too heavy. She read it out loud and asked, “Who is Karma?” Lol! So I explained, “Mom, Karma is the philosophy that whatever energy you put out into the world is the energy that comes back to you.” She thought about it then said, “Well, I think I have good karma”. Yes you do, Mom. Yes, you do

Photo is GJ explaining to the dogs why she’s not allowed to give them her pumpkin pie because “TT is mean and won’t let you eat pie”

My mom asked to play putt-putt then proceeded to impress us all! She beat me! Sinking putts like crazy! Hoping I’m rockin’ life like her at 85

Today we took another huge step along the healing path. The Superior Environmental team spent 8 hours cleaning our ducts, installing new HEPA filters on both HVAC units, properly sealing all vents after repainting them, and spraying mold inhibitor chemicals in all duct work along with properly elevating the attic ducts. Two of the team members told me “it was really bad in there” and “this is going to help you so much”. My mom and I stayed outside in the backyard with the dogs and the crab most of the day while the work was completed. I took her for a little walking tour of our Spring Lake recreation area, too. She said, “I think this must be what heaven is like”

Day 6: She wanted to visit Harbor Town and the lighthouse. Mom/daughter Sea Pines tourist time. Took her to the Salty Dog and Shelter Cove for sunset, too. I love it that she’s wearing my hoodie. She fell even more in love with this island this evening

She said, “I play Hearts on my computer every day.” I got you covered, girl! She’s set up on my laptop and one happy camper.

Snapchat is her new favorite thing! She made these videos for her great grandson, the adorable Landon Then she asked me to share them on Facebook so she can show her friends. If she ever figures out how to use Facebook

Day 8: Safe travels back to Cincy, my beautiful momma I love you so very much and will miss our island adventures together. Wow am I glad I looked at my emails at midnight to see your 5:41 PM flight was cancelled and we were able to get you on this early flight Sending you off with love and hugs

I love you, Mom. And I am so incredibly proud of you. Thank you for travelling this healing journey with me.

Always and forever,
TT

#nevergiveup

The Healing Place Podcast: Mike Collins – Overcoming Sugar Addiction; Trauma and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Impact on Addiction

A big thank you to Mike Collins, founder of SugarAddiction.com and the Quit Sugar Summit, for engaging in such an enlightening conversation on addiction. Please join us as we discuss:

the history of sugar production and consumption
his own sugar journey
the impact of trauma and adverse childhood experiences on sugar addiction
his book, The Last Resort Sugar Detox Guide
benefits of overcoming addiction
and so much more!

Welcome to The Healing Place Podcast! I am your host, Teri Wellbrock. You can listen in on Pandora, iTunes, Blubrry, Spotify, Deezer, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, Podbean, and more, or directly on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com/podcasts/. You can also watch our insightful interview on YouTube.

Bio:

“Michael Collins is the founder of SugarAddiction.com and Quit Sugar Summit, as well as the past Chairman of the Board and current Board Member of Addiction Institute, has been completely sugar-free for over 30 years and has worked closely with others to help them regain lives ravaged by this addictive product.
Mike has been in recovery from substance-use disorder for over 35 years and can speak on recovery topics separate from sugar. He raised two children sugar-free from the womb to over six years old – when they only had sugar once a month for their entire childhood. His book was rated #1 in Healthy Living on Amazon.”

Learn more about Mike and his mission at https://sugaraddiction.com/

Peace,

Teri

Hope for Healing Newsletter: https://us18.campaign-archive.com/?u=8265f971343b0f411b871aba1&id=1352bd63df

Book Launch Team: https://www.facebook.com/groups/unicornshadows/

The Healing Place Podcast: Dr. Jamie Marich – Trauma & the 12 Steps; Addiction Recovery; & Utilizing Complimentary Healing Tools

Oh so thankful for the opportunity to engage in an informative and empowering conversation with Dr. Jamie Marich, founder of The Institute for Creative Mindfulness, clinical trauma specialist, expressive artist, writer, yogini, performer, short-film maker, Reiki master, and recovery advocate. Please join us as we discuss:

Dr. Jamie’s personal story of addiction recovery
her upcoming book release: Trauma and the 12 Steps: An Inclusive Guide to Enhancing Recovery
building bridges, not walls
incorporating outside help and diverse spiritual practices
her philosophies on mindfulness
and so much more!

Welcome to The Healing Place Podcast! I am your host, Teri Wellbrock. You can listen in on Pandora, iTunes, Blubrry, Spotify, Deezer, Google Podcasts, Podbean, and more, or directly on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com/podcasts/. You can also watch our insightful interview on YouTube.

Bio:

Jamie Marich, Ph.D., LPCC-S, LICDC-CS, REAT, RYT-500, RMT
Dr. Jamie Marich describes herself as a facilitator of transformative experiences. A clinical trauma specialist, expressive artist, writer, yogini, performer, short filmmaker, Reiki master, and recovery advocate, she unites all of these elements in her mission to inspire healing in others. She began her career as a humanitarian aid worker in Bosnia-Hercegovina from 2000-2003, primarily teaching English and music while freelancing with other projects. Jamie travels internationally teaching on topics related to trauma, EMDR therapy, expressive arts, mindfulness, and yoga, while maintaining a private practice in her home base of Warren, OH. Marich is the founder of the Institute for Creative Mindfulness and the developer of the Dancing Mindfulness practice to expressive arts therapy. She is also the co-creator of the Yoga Unchained approach to trauma-informed yoga, and the developer of Yoga for Clinicians. Marich is the author of EMDR Made Simple: 4 Approaches for Using EMDR with Every Client (2011), Trauma and the Twelve Steps: A Complete Guide for Recovery Enhancement (2012), Creative Mindfulness (2013), Trauma Made Simple: Competencies in Assessment, Treatment, and Working with Survivors, and Dancing Mindfulness: A Creative Path to Healing and Transformation (2015). Marich co-authored EMDR Therapy & Mindfulness for Trauma-Focused Care along with colleague Dr. Stephen Dansiger, which was released with Springer Publishing in 2017. Her newest title, Process Not Perfection: Expressive Arts Solutions for Trauma Recovery, released in April 2019. North Atlantic Books is publishing a second and expanded edition of Trauma and the 12 Steps, due for release in the Summer of 2020. Marich’s writing and work on Dancing Mindfulness was featured in the New York Times in 2017. In 2015, she had the privilege of delivering a TEDx talk on trauma. NALGAP: The Association of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Addiction Professionals and Their Allies awarded Jamie with their esteemed President’s Award in 2015 for her work as an LGBT advocate. The EMDR International Association (EMDRIA) granted Jamie the 2019 Advocacy in EMDR Award for her using her public platform in media and in the addiction field to advance awareness about EMDR therapy and to reduce stigma around mental health.”

Learn more about Jamie and her mission at: https://www.drjamiemarich.com/ and https://www.traumamadesimple.com/

Peace to you all!

Teri

Hope for Healing Newsletter: https://us18.campaign-archive.com/?u=8265f971343b0f411b871aba1&id=1352bd63df

Book Launch Team: https://www.facebook.com/groups/unicornshadows/

When Grandma Celebrates Sobriety

As many of you know, I host the internationally downloaded Healing Place Podcast. I do my own editing using a fairly easy software, Wondershare Filmora, and can usually work through any hiccups found in the recordings. However, I ran into a snag last week when my own audio feed was scrambled. I had no idea during the recording process and only discovered the problem when I started editing. Needless to say, I discovered I am not a sound engineer.

That left me scrambling for a solution for the upcoming Friday podcast release. I could bump up the remaining recorded interviews, but one of them was a celebration of podcast episode number 100! That nixed that idea. I happened to be running around with my eighty-four year old mother the day after discovering my recording dilemma when the idea hit me to record an impromptu Facebook Live interview with her.

A little history might help.

I have described my mom as that cute little Gizmo character from the movie, Gremlins. She is sweet and cute and an angel on earth.

When sober.

But add vodka . . . and just like those Mogwai in the movie, Gremlins, if they eat after midnight, all hell breaks loose. My mom would transform into a cruel, at-times violent and suicidal addict. I experienced flashbacks during EMDR Therapy of waking as a child to find my blank-eyed mother standing over me with a butcher knife in her hand. She denies such acts to this day.

I was the “good girl” in our family. Living a life of co-dependency, searching for my mother’s love and approval most often when she was drinking, and always there to clean up the mess alongside my younger sister. That is until July, 2019. I answered my sister’s phone call as I stood atop a mountain resort in Estes Park, Colorado. Hundreds of miles from home. In that moment, as I was informed of another hospitalization of my mom, brought on by a drinking binge carried out with the intent to die, that I reached my tipping point.

Hit a wall.

Broke the poor camel’s back with that last straw.

Said to the universe with zero hesitation . . .

DONE.

I walked away from my elderly mother in that moment. And did not speak to her for the next three months. And it hurt my soul to do so. I cried. I shook off Catholic guilt. Yet I stayed firm. And as each day passed, I became more determined in my resolve to give her the space she needed to save herself. It was time for her to clean up her own mess and face those long-avoided demons of her own childhood.

She called me in October. I answered. And I’m not sure why I took the call that time. Something compelled me to do so. She was sober. Happy. And looking for resolution in our relationship. I was more than willing to honor her needs and give her a chance, yet again.

This past Christmas she asked if she could skip our traditional family gathering. I asked her if she was afraid she’d be triggered to crave alcohol and she admitted, yes. I, again, honored her needs and we changed our family plans. Instead we surprised her with a quick ten minute visit to her place which left her smiling and grateful.

Now here we are . . . six months in. She continues to celebrate her sobriety. As do I.

When grandma, or in our case GJ, celebrates sobriety, we share it with the world!

The Books That Helped Me Transition from Trauma to Triumph: A Book Review Series – “The Journey From Abandonment to Healing”

Moving on to book-review number four in my books-that-changed-my-life series is “The Journey From Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life“.

I have said for years, as I felt my way along a sometimes rugged and dark healing path, that I had to return to the darkness in order to make it into the light. Those dark spaces held my trauma, the negative energy needing to be released from my body, mind, and spirit. I used to dish this advice to my then-best-friend in regards to her traumatic past. She would scoff me off.

Just when I thought I had processed the worst of my traumas (sexual abuse, bank robberies, murder, physically abusive parent), this said-friend ghosted me. Gone. Just like that. No closure. No good-bye. No “piss off” to send me on my way. Just silence. After seven years of texting every day, weekend hang outs, girls’ trips adventures, deep talks, and laugh-til-we-peed gatherings. Done.

Only two weeks prior had I sat across from her at one of our impromptu lunch dates, telling her that my therapist and I had discovered my biggest fear during my last EMDR session: the fear of abandonment. I told her how it linked back to my mom and her alcohol addiction, how she had left me feeling emotionally abandoned my entire childhood. She knew most of the history of life with my mother: partying with her co-workers after banking hours, stumbling into our apartment hammered a few nights a week; pouring herself a vodka over ice with a squirt of lemon juice on those nights she came straight home from her teller job, sinking into the worn recliner, held together in places with duct tape, losing herself in a book from the library, yelling for my dad to silence the children, which always came with the jingling of a belt-buckle prepping to beat us quiet; belittlement at our not using our God-given talents and, therefore, disappointing Jesus, God Himself, and all of the heavenly hosts; attempted stabbing of my dad when she raged at him with a butcher knife; attempted drowning of her children when she decided we’d be better off with Jesus in lieu of living in this “valley of tears” called life; showing my school photo to church friends, in my presence, and laughing as she declared, “Look how ugly she is!”, later to remind me, “I was just joking”; and so on.

I was struck with an inkling of curiosity when this friend’s head cocked a bit to the side as she replied, “Really?” to my announcement that my biggest discovered fear was that of abandonment. Not bridges or highways, even though I cannot drive on them. Not death, even though I had faced it too many times, from beneath bathtub water, when staring into a revolver placed to my head, when confronted with the firing end of a Luger during a second bank robbery. Not heights, even though my dad had found it funny to dangle me from the Natural Bridge in Kentucky on a rare family outing or had me look out the window of our beat up station wagon at the Ohio River below us as we crossed the humming bridge into Covington, Kentucky to visit my grandparents, as he proclaimed, “See those river sharks? Some day this bridge will crumble. It was built in the 1800’s you know. And when we fall in, those river sharks will eat you”, then he’d laugh and laugh at his humor, while I stared at the muddy water, positive I saw those river sharks. Not flying, though I could not even think of climbing onto a plane without Xanax in my blood. Not cockroaches. Nor being buried alive. Nor fear itself. Abandonment – linked to my fear of rejection, my insecurities, my unstable sense of self, and my deep craving for approval and affection.

Really? That word would haunt my next year as I sorted through the processing of her disappearance from my life.

Only by giving yourself over to your feelings can you find your way out of them.
Susan Anderson in “The Journey from Abandonment to Healing”

Detoxing after a drinking binge
Sober mom and Teri

I am guessing God’s timing was, yet again, perfect. It was time for me to visit the darkness that was my relationship with my mother. Still swirling in the chaos of her addiction, I never knew who I would encounter upon my calls to check in or visits to her retirement community. Sober mom was kind and doting. “Teri, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Thank God I have you.” Drunk mom was cruel, “I hate you. I want to put a meat cleaver in your forehead.” When I brought that one up during a sober conversation, she insisted, “Oh for Pete’s sake. I was joking. Get a sense of humor. You know I’d never say something like that to you.”

Okay, mom.

And then the friend-ghosting occurred. And I cried into my journal for a year. I cried at restaurants. I cried at sappy commercials. I cried when I’d hear songs, listening purposefully to tear-jerker ballads. I cried at Facebook memories popping up. I cried all . . . the . . . time. I just cried. For a year.

And as I did so, I read this book. This amazing book filled with comfort and wisdom, reminding me I would survive this, too. Just as I had survived all of the horrors of my past. This ghosting was a reminder that I had not yet faced the pain I had stored away in regards to trust and love, a heart-hurt melded in the hands of my parents. God was opening that attic door and shining a light on that long-avoided box of sadness.

Being left by someone we love can open up old wounds, stirring up insecurities and doubts that had been part of our emotional baggage since childhood.
Susan Anderson in “The Journey from Abandonment to Healing”

My grieving journey had begun. What was triggered by a ghosting, turned into a beautiful journey of healing those old insecurities and heartaches, helping me find forgiveness for my parents, as well as helping me release the ghosts from that abandonment attic. All of them.

The author takes us into an understanding of the five states of abandonment: shattering, withdrawal, internalizing rejection, rage, and lifting. All of which I circled through. The beautiful gift I discovered during this grief journey was that of embracing my own vulnerability even more than I already had. I learned to console little Teri all the while learning to empower adult me.

Susan Anderson, author of this powerful book, offers an action plan for readers to help us along our continued healing journey, as well. An action plan I fully implemented.

The key to change is opening your life to new experiences. Even small changes in your daily routine can lead to new discoveries about who you are becoming.
The key to reconnecting is to cherish the gift that abandonment has given you, to remain open to your vulnerabilities and to the vulnerabilities of others.
Susan Anderson in “The Journey from Abandonment to Healing”

Since reading this beautiful book, I have done exactly that. I opened myself up to new experiences: starting a successful podcast with a growing global audience (The Healing Place Podcast); meeting amazing souls from all over the world who are working to help others along their healing journeys; starting this blog; creating a website aimed at helping others heal from ACEs (adverse childhood experiences) and trauma; becoming a YouTuber (that is still in its infancy stages); standing on stages to share my story of hope; creating our Sammie’s Bundles of Hope project to help children struggling with anxiety and trauma history; volunteering with our sweet therapy dog, Sammie Doodle; and opening myself up to new friendships.

But, most importantly . . . I set my ghosts free.

The Healing Place Podcast: Rob Rodriguez – Exploring Trauma: A Brief Intervention for Men

Welcome to The Healing Place Podcast! I am your host, Teri Wellbrock. You can listen in on iTunes, Blubrry, Spotify, or directly on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com/podcasts/. You can also watch our insightful interview on YouTube.

I thoroughly enjoyed this soulful and educational interview with Roberto (Rob) Rodriguez as we discussed his work as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor, his books and curriculum, work in incarceration facilities, his upcoming curriculum: A Young Man’s Guide to Self-Mastery, his own personal story of triumph, and much more.

Bio:

“Roberto Rodriquez, M.A., has over twelve years of experience in the treatment of substance use disorder. He is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor. He has worked in intensive outpatient settings and residential settings, providing transformative experiences for adolescents, men, couples, and families. Rob currently works with Family Recovery Resource Experts in Saint Paul, MN, where they specialize in trauma-informed intensive family workshops. He is the co-author of Exploring Trauma: A Brief Intervention for Men with Dr. Stephanie Covington. This is the only research- based, brief intervention program related to trauma for men published by Hazelden. His latest project is the 12-session curriculum, A Young Man’s Guide to Self-Mastery, also co-authored with Dr. Covington, to be published Spring, 2020. Rob has been engaged as a national and international consultant and speaker addressing the concerns of families and their helpers.”

Find out more about Rob’s mission at https://frre.net/.

Peace to you all!
Teri

Hope for Healing Newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/741bdf08d718/hope-for-healing-newsletter-may-2019

Book Launch Team: https://www.facebook.com/groups/unicornshadows/

The Healing Place Podcast: Jen Johnson – Everyday Mindful

I thoroughly enjoyed sitting down with Jen Johnson to discuss the gifts contained in mindfulness practice, her counseling services as well as her coaching work with clients all over the world, her photography and writing outlets, along with sharing pieces of her own healing journey with us. Thank you, Jen, for joining me on the podcast and shining your beautiful light of hope into the world.

Bio:

“Jen Johnson, MS, MS, MFA, LPC, CRC, BCC, E-RYT is a mindfulness coach, Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and Licensed Professional Counselor. She is also a photographer and writer. Jen teaches mindfulness for mind body healing. Her areas of specialty include women’s health and wellness (thyroid disorders, autoimmune disease, chronic fatigue, weight loss), stress reduction, healing from trauma and difficult times, creativity, and grief and loss. Jen offers a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction MBSR online 8-week course that teaches mindfulness meditation and gentle yoga for stress reduction.”

Find out more about Jen’s mission at www.everydaymindful.com.

Facebook: @EverydayMindful Instagram:@MeditateCreate Twitter: @EverydayMindful

Peace to you all!
Teri

Hope for Healing Newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/741bdf08d718/hope-for-healing-newsletter-may-2019

Book Launch Team: https://www.facebook.com/groups/unicornshadows/

Confessions of a Frustrated Co-Dependent

WARNING: Confessions of a frustrated co-dependent. Things a child, no matter how old, should ever have to go through.

My mother told my sister last week, “Tell Teri to go to hell and I never want to see her again.” Obviously, intoxicated. This was a result of my discovering she was using a younger family member to drive her to the grocery (where there is a liquor store) and I informed that family member’s parent.

Two days ago she advised a family member she would be “drinking herself to death”. Same old story I’ve heard since I was a kid. Drunken slurs told to me as a child like, “Teri, this life does not matter. I want to be with Jesus. I just want to die. Death is beautiful. If you died I would celebrate. How lucky would that be.” A child. Being told by her mother that she would celebrate her child’s death.

I used to wake up and find my mother standing over me with a butcher knife in her hand. Her eyes would be lifeless. As if she was staring through me. I would cry as silently as possible so as not to startle her. My little sister always found her way into my bed and would wrap herself around me. It was a comfort for both of us.

Today I sit here furious. And bitter. And sad.

She is on another “I haven’t eaten in 3 days. I am no longer taking my medications. I am only going to drink until I die” missions.

I called 911 two days ago when she first threatened to kill herself as we cannot get into her secured building. She turned them away. Today I called her doctor and was advised to have the police accompany the paramedics as they will force her to go with them for a psych eval. Her building social worker called to tell me, that even though she had a “huge bottle of vodka” sitting next to her and a glass filled with it, the police left without taking her. And no paramedics were with them.

So I just printed off the “instructions for filing an emergency guardianship” paperwork. It states a physician must appear before the magistrate in a hearing to justify it is necessary to avoid immediate harm to the ward. I cannot get her to a hospital as she refuses transport.

She cannot live on her own, per her doctor’s own words, but I cannot force her to move until she’s no longer competent enough to make the choice. Apparently the police think she’s still competent enough to decide.

Therefore, we sit and wait. For our mother to sober herself up. Or die.

No child should EVER have to go through this hell.

I lost my mind on the social worker. I snapped. I cried. I screamed, “I’m fucking done. Let her die.”

I’ve reached out so many times for help. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

This is the lady I grew up with. A bottle of alcohol always next to her. She would come home from work and pour a drink and sit down to read. I learned early on to lock myself in my room and put my headphones on and escape into my music. If I approached her, she would slur at me, “Can’t I just relax for five minutes? Just leave me alone!” Or, if I approached with happy news, “Mom! Look! I got a 93% on my test.” (A 93 was still an A back in the 70’s) Her response, “A 93? A 93? God gave you a brilliant mind, Teri. And you are wasting it. Why wasn’t it a 100%? You are disappointing God. And me.” And I would turn away, once again, belittled and shamed. Shamed for not being good enough.

She tried to drown me in a bathtub when I was 4, holding my head underwater. She told me I would be happier with Jesus. Until my dad came in and sucker-punched her across the bathroom. She landed between the toilet and cabinet.

She tried to kill my dad with a butcher knife. But, he lifted a chair in time in front of him as protection to have the blade completely penetrate the wood seat. I witnessed her hauled off in handcuffs on that occasion. I was 4 or 5.

She beat my sister relentlessly. She didn’t like her and made it clear. I got to listen to the screams from behind a locked bathroom door where I would hide for hours until it was quiet again.

She told me I was frumpy and ugly and used to show my 7th grade photo to people and laugh about how ugly I was. I had braces and a unibrow and yes, pretty hideous, but really?

When I was in my 20’s (after the bank robberies) I dressed conservatively for business. She would laugh and call me, “Margaret Thatcher” and advise me I needed to brighten myself up so people would think I was happy.

Yet, I have fought and fought and fought for this lady’s love and approval my entire life. All I wanted was for her to love me and accept me.

I know my life motto is #nevergiveup, but damn is this a tough battle to keep fighting. Please pray for strength and answers as we move forward with guardianship. And that I keep my cool and not explode in frustration again. I’m starting to reach the end of my rope with this one.

Thank you ?

The Healing Place Podcast Interview: Dr. Leslie Cole – Quit Pain Pills

Welcome to The Healing Place Podcast! I am your host, Teri Wellbrock. You can listen in on iTunes, Blubrry or directly on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com/podcasts/. You can also watch our insightful interview on YouTube.

I very much enjoyed the opportunity to engage in a hope-filled conversation with Dr. Leslie Cole to discuss her work and philosophies in regards to opiate addiction and her hope-inspired book, Quit Pain Pills: Without the Withdrawal. Thank you, Dr. Leslie, for sharing your personal story regarding your food addiction and your work helping others along their healing journey from addiction to triumph.

Bio:

“Leslie Cole and her husband, Tim, are from Nashville, Tennessee. She is a physician specializing in addiction medicine and is the author of the new book “Quit Pain Pills without the Withdrawal. How to Break Free from Your Dependence and Finally Wake Up Feeling Normal.” She is very interested in the role that attention, hope, kindness, and safe community can play in the healing of people, having experienced healing herself. You can learn more about her book at www.quitpainpills.com where you can find her contact information.”

Find out more about Dr. Cole’s mission and work at https://quitpainpills.com/.

Peace to you all!
Teri

Hope for Healing Newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/9813e51db66b/hope-for-healing-newsletter-december-2018

Book Launch Team: https://www.facebook.com/groups/unicornshadows/

The Healing Place Podcast Interview: Julie Brand – A Wise Retreat

Welcome to The Healing Place Podcast! I’m your host, Teri Wellbrock. You can listen in on iTunes, Blubrry or directly on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com/podcasts/

I was thrilled to engage in a beautiful conversation with Julie Brand – founder and executive director of A WISE Retreat program for women. Julie is an addiction specialist, domestic violence counselor, youth educator, and trauma-warrior with a personal ACEs score of 9+. Please join us as we discuss Julie’s heart-felt mission to provide a space for holistic healing for her clients.

As shared from A Wise Retreat website:

A Wise Retreat specializes in the holistic restoration of women. Our services are tailored to the unique needs of each individual at a comfortable, private, and culturally sensitive location where women can get the care and treatment needed. Our services include but are not limited to;

Dual Diagnosis Treatment

Addictions counseling

Domestic Violence Counseling

Trauma Informed Care

Family Treatment

Bio Chemical Re-balancing

Intensive Out Patient

After Care

A Wise Retreat is a private drug & alcohol residential treatment facility exclusively for women. Located 30 miles North of beautiful San Francisco, A Wise Retreat sits on a hillside surrounded by luscious tall trees that provide shade, privacy, peace and serenity in a home-like setting.

Women Inspired, Supported & Empowered!

Please be sure to follow, visit, and reach out at http://www.awiseretreat.com/ or call 855-500-WISE (9473).

Also, check out Julie’s book series In the Eyes of Innocence on Smashwords!

Peace to you all!

Teri