I want to share one coping strategy a month. These are strategies I use (or have used) in my own life as I travel the healing journey. I hope they bring you tranquility, as well!
Create a safe space for yourself.
This can be a safe space in your mind where you can go when feeling anxious. Mine is a cozy little nook, surrounded by books and filled with a snuggly bed with lots of pillows and blankets, looking out a ceiling to floor window over a brilliant blue ocean, with a calming breeze flowing through the room, and sunlight streaming from behind a lone white cloud. Use as much detail as you can muster. What does the space smell like, what’s the temperature, what’s there in the space? Are you outside or inside? Remember, this is YOUR space. Fill it with you and everything that makes your heart happy.
Or an actual space. Filled with all things comforting, supportive, love-infused, and joyous. Make it about you and your needs. What makes your soul happy? Fill YOUR space with THAT.
Me in my sacred writing space . . . where I blog, record The Healing Place Podcast, edit videos for my YouTube channel, finish my book manuscript, and hang with our dogs, Sammie & MaxBeautiful reminders in my writing spaceGod saying “hello” while lighting up my “be brave” reminder
(The following article comes from borrowed snippets from a conversation thread in the ACEs Connection community in response to my asking for guidance regarding Exposure Therapy)
“Prolonged Exposure (PE) is the most researched treatment for trauma related disorders around. It is also a “gold standard” treatment – meaning its efficacy is top of the line. Dropout rates for trauma treatments are statistically the same for all approaches. Part of the symptomatology of PTSD is avoidance. That is (the) basis for the prolonged exposure, to have the client face what they are avoiding, especially the more disturbing aspects of the traumatic event(s) as measure by subjective units of distress (SUDs).
PE involves having the client relive the trauma over and over again until SUDs begin to go down. Your homework would include listening to recordings of your sessions outside the treatment room. You may also be assigned to expose yourself to anxiety provoking stimuli outside of sessions based on a hierarchy of fears and anxieties working on the most anxiety-provoking antecedent first. As previously stated, the goal of therapy is to reduce your SUDs level to a manageable point. Even though SUDs were developed by a behavior therapist (the “B” in CBT which is the general classification of PE), the late psychiatrist, Josepf Wolpe, SUDs are also used in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).
The research indicates there is no statistically significant (difference) in any of the approaches with the exception of EFT, which doesn’t have a significant research base, though the relatively fewer studies indicate EFT yields promising results.
If you would like more information on PE, you might want to get a hold of a copy of Edna Foa’s, the creator of PE workbook, that is written for PE clients titled Reclaiming Your Life From a Traumatic Experience (2007).”
Please remember: Healing is possible and you are so very worthy of that gift!
I have been taking a little social media post-holiday hiatus. Catching up on life and such. Then today put life in perspective in a huge God-therapy way so I had to share.
Sammie was working her therapy dog gig this morning when a child was brought into the room. His tear-filled eyes captured my heart and Sammie instantly worked her therapy dog magic . . . kisses and hugs and snuggles and more kisses. She wouldn’t leave his side for nearly an hour. He and I chatted and chatted while Sammie loved him. With the purest love possible. Just heart to heart.
Afterward I discovered the horrific tragedy that had befallen this child only hours prior. I cried the entire car ride home. My sweet dog helped this little guy smile when smiling seemed an impossibility for these circumstances. She gave him an hour of reprieve from his heartache and trauma.
As a reward, I took her for a hike at Cincinnati Nature Center. And she smiled the entire hike ❤
Sammie Doodle – Pet Partners registered therapy dogSmiling Sammie! Pet Partners therapy dog.
What a wonderful connection of souls and like-minded philosophies I experienced during this interview with Elizabeth Sullivan, founder and CEO of Empower Survivors. Please join us as we discuss surviving sexual abuse, Giving Voice, empowering survivors, and so much more.
As shared on the Empower Survivors website:
“Elizabeth is the founder and CEO of EmpowerSurvivors, child abuse survivor, facilitator, speaker, activist, survivor coach and mother of three who has made it her life mission to support survivors on their healing journey’s, educate communities on child abuse, and aid in the prevention of child abuse and adverse childhood experiences.”Their mission is “To support adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse , educate communities, reduce the rape and molestation of children, and break the silence that allows childhood sexual abuse to go on for generations.”
You can contact Elizabeth and the Empower Survivors non-profit agency using the following links:
Before diving into step 8, a reminder about resilience: it is defined as the ability to overcome adverse conditions; with healthy bonding relationships, guidance, support, and compassion as the catalysts. Basically, it entails having the capacity to bounce back from stressful or overwhelming experiences.
What are some steps we can take to ensure we are building resilience in our lives?
Focus on the positives.
Seek out and nurture supportive relationships.
Utilize self-care strategies.
Take action steps to create positive change.
Work on healthy habit formation.
Find a guiding hand to hold.
Learn to become our own hero.
Be gentle with ourselves.
Today we will cover Step 8: Be gentle with ourselves.
I had two moments when I first transitioned onto a healing path that stand out as life-altering. My therapist at the time had mentioned to me, “Just notice” during one of our sessions, in the midst of a pretty intense flashback when panic attack symptoms were overwhelming me. Allowing myself the opportunity to just notice those sensations without judgment created an incredible shift in their power over me.
The other shift-inducing incident involved a friend suggesting to me, “Be gentle with yourself, T.” It was one of those smack-to-the-head moments. Be gentle with myself? What the heck does THAT mean? How do I even do that? I realized in that brief exchange that I had been so incredibly hard on myself about my trauma history and attempts at recovery.
I want to share with you a few of the steps I took to learn a more patient and loving approach with myself:
Forgive yourself: If you are holding onto any blame, shame, guilt, or a burden of responsibility for anything that happened to you . . . give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Write yourself a love letter releasing you from that weight. For decades, I carried a self-blame banner when it came to certain incidents in my life. If I hadn’t been drinking so much then I wouldn’t have put myself in that vulnerable position to be taken advantage of by a man. If I had just told my parents what was happening. If I hadn’t been so needy. I stopped all of that blame and shame talk. Remind yourself that you were not to blame. Know this on a soul level. And forgive yourself for burdening you with that heavy load. You are so very worthy of the resulting peace.
Practice being gentle with yourself: I started to utilize the idea of being gentle with myself throughout my day. If I noticed any negative self-talk, such as, Why can’t you just get over this, I would remind myself, Something is surfacing, Teri. Just notice is. What is being triggered? I then would meditate or journal about it, but continuing to not judge any of it. Just gentle observation.
Give yourself the gift of self-love: Sounds simple enough, but, wow, can this be tough. Especially for those of us who experienced adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). Practice positive affirmations by repeating mantras such as, “I am calm. I am beautiful. I am peace. I am loved.” The gift of time is a precious self-love commodity, too. Allow time to pursue your passions – whether that’s a stroll in nature, absorbing the beauty, or creating art or taking a new yoga class.
Be patient: As you continue traveling along this healing journey, there are days when you’ll be baby-stepping along oh-so-carefully, other days where you will be leaping into new discoveries, and others when you turn around and retreat. That’s okay. Again, this is a journey, an exploration into sometimes scary territory. Gently remind yourself you’ve got this. Continue to ask, every day, What is the lesson I am learning with this? You are allowed the opportunity to learn in those set-back moments.
Reward yourself: I recently visited a classroom with my registered therapy dog, Sammie. We met with forty-two 4th grade kiddos. One of the questions asked during our Q&A session was, “How did you train Sammie?” I took this opportunity to discuss positive reinforcement. Sammie learned her needed therapy dog skills through classroom instruction along with positive reinforcement outside the classroom. Lots of “good girl, Sam!” and treats. The same goes for us as we learn to live a life free from trauma burdens. A “Way to go!” or “You got this!” goes a long way toward building our confidence.
Coming up next month: New series – Positivities of Persistence
“Mom, Your life and work are so inspiring. Your social media presence is a light for people on a day to day basis. Your podcasts are influencing in all the right ways. Your writings are beautiful works of love that all need to hear. Keep up all your hard work and the dividends will exponentially grow. Remember that love is everywhere and I will always support you, even from across the country from atop mountains. Love, John”
John Wellbrock – letter to mom, Teri Wellbrock, Christmas 2018
I have been collecting hearts for a few years now. My friends will send me photos of hearts they find. I will post pics on social media of my heart finds. I even recently wrote an e-book, Stop Thinking . . . Just Love, filled with over six hundred heart photos. I have a collection of hearts on their own page on my website. And in my sacred writing space, I have a collection of special hearts given to me by loved ones, friends, and therapists.
Christmas 2018 I added a special Rocky Mountains heart to my treasure. My oldest son, John, my kindred spirit, my boy with a physicist’s mind and a poet’s heart, gave me the gift of a rock for Christmas.
Yep. A rock.
Plus, a letter. Written from his heart.
I have sometimes questioned my parenting skills. Am I doing this right? Did I coddle them too much, trying to compensate for my own painful childhood, filled with moments of terror and abandonment? Did I do too much for them? Overprotect them to a fault? Should I have let them fall and stumble more often? I wanted them safe. I wanted them to feel loved and protected and treasured. I wanted them to know they were wanted and their opinions mattered.
Or I’d ridicule myself for not being strong enough to fight for them. For emotionally abandoning them when I was lost and hurting. Those endless years I’d spent holed up in a dark room, smoking cigarettes, playing mindless computer games or seeking solace from strangers in AOL chat rooms, shooing my children away.
Learning to forgive myself, forgive my parents, and forgive my transgressors, altered my life. It’s not for everyone. But, that’s what worked for me. That’s my message to the world. Take it or leave it.
I reminded a friend the other day that no matter what decisions we make regarding our children, if we do so with love as our driving force, with intentions filled with hopeful promise, then, yes, we are doing it right.
Years ago, I told my children I was so very sorry for anything I had done to hurt them. I explained that none of it was ever done in malice. I accepted responsibility for my actions in hurting them. And they graciously offered the beautiful gift of forgiveness to me.
Yesterday, on Christmas morning, 2018, as my tears flowed, and I threw my arms around my now twenty-five-year-old baby boy, I knew in my heart . . . I did it right.
And as I kissed my eighty-three-year-old mother good-bye, as she left our home, my heart overflowing with joy at her having made it through our first family Christmas celebration EVER without drinking alcohol, I realized that she did it right, too.
She had abandoned me emotionally as a child while lost in her own pain and her self-medicating through Valium and booze. She had summoned my father to hit me when she wanted silence. Yet, I know on a soul level, she loved me. And some how, some way, that love permeated.
So here we are. Healing a once-festering wound. Enjoying our new normal, a relationship filled with phone calls and shopping and laughter and movie dates. Mother-daughter endeavors I had only dreamed of having and had envied in others.
I now realize my mom needed to heal her own pain. Did she hurt me in her flailing? Absolutely. Am I saying it was acceptable? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that parenting is a struggle . . . especially when we have lived adverse childhood experiences ourselves and are still working through our own healing process. Yet, love prevails. It really does.
Some may disagree with me. That’s fine. But, I like to look at the positives and focus on the hope. The hope of healing. The hope that permeates forgiveness. The hope that is love.
So, yes, here we are. Loving our children, my mom and me. We did it in our own ways. But, we did it right.
Before diving into step 7, a reminder about resilience: it is defined as the ability to overcome adverse conditions; with healthy bonding relationships, guidance, support, and compassion as the catalysts. Basically, it entails having the capacity to bounce back from stressful or overwhelming experiences.
What are some steps we can take to ensure we are building resilience in our lives?
Focus on the positives.
Seek out and nurture supportive relationships.
Utilize self-care strategies.
Take action steps to create positive change.
Work on healthy habit formation.
Find a guiding hand to hold.
Learn to become our own hero.
Be gentle with ourselves.
Today we will cover Step 7: Learn to become our own hero.
One of those ah-ha moments in my life came when I realized that it was not up to anyone else to “save” me. Instead, I started to look to myself for empowerment. I experienced what I call “a shift” in 2013. Think of it as a change in philosophy, a willingness to open myself up to healing and answers. I allowed myself the gift of becoming my own hero. We all have the capacity for becoming our own superhero; we just need to open our hearts, minds, and souls to the possibility.
So, how did I learn to become my own hero? A whole helluva lot of research . . . along with some trial and error. The sole purpose of my Unicorn Shadows: From Trauma to Triumph – A Healing Guide book that I am finishing up the manuscript on is to guide others through the research I completed and allow readers an opportunity to engage in the steps I utilized.
I will give you a head start here and offer five suggestions for starting your superhero work (go ahead and put that cape on!):
Build your knowledge by reading, watching, listening, and absorbing all you can about healthy self-care strategies: I have a resource library full of books I have read (filled with mark-ups for ideas that spoke to my soul). I will be adding those titles to my website some time over the next few months. I’ll be sure to send you an access code once I do so you can dive into those books and articles. I also have a bookmark folder on my web browser filled with articles and websites that provide healing guidance. I would list them all, but what speaks to MY soul might not speak to YOURS. Therefore, I recommend you search for self-help topics that pique your interest. Do searches on your local library site (did you know you can check out books online, too?), Amazon, YouTube, Vimeo, web browsers, by key words, Pinterest, Facebook – the options are endless.
Be open to crazy awesome options for healing: When I started opening my mind up to new possibilities for healing my trauma wounds and relieving the resulting symptoms, miracles started to happen. No, seriously. For real. I started practicing exercises such as Ho’oponopono Hawaiian healing technique, the Ah Meditation, energy healing, and so much more. Next on my list is goat yoga! Watch my beautiful podcast interview with Belinda Farrell of Huna Healing for more information on Ho’oponopono.
Choose one and try it: This seems pretty self-evident, but how many times have we made grandiose plans, done the research, but then stopped right there. It’s scary sometimes to try something new. Right? But, the best way to learn if something will help you feel more empowered is to simply DO it. Give it a whirl. Maybe a few whirls. If it works . . . yay! You can add that patch to your superhero cape. If not, see the next suggestion.
If it does not work, file it away, see it as a learning lesson, and move on to the next idea: This can be tough, too. We feel like we are giving up. Or maybe questioning, “Why does this work for other people, but not me?” Please know that we are all different with an eclectic mix of backgrounds. What works for one person might not work for us because of genetics or experiences (such as adverse childhood experiences or ACEs) or a combination of factors. Regardless, it’s okay. Put it in the “life lesson” file folder and move on to another superhero adventure.
Build your superhero portfolio to use as needed: Once you have established a collection of tools . . . think of Batman’s utility belt . . . you will feel more empowered just by having more choices from which to turn to for your self-care strategies. But, keep on adding options as you grow stronger. Get yourself ready for your superhero strut. Watch out, world. Another bad-ass trauma-warrior is in the making.
Coming up next month: Step 8: Be gentle with ourselves.
*Excerpt from my upcoming Hope for Healing Newsletter . . . I would love to welcome you onto the Hope for Healing team! Join me here!
Welcome to The Healing Place Podcast! I’m your host, Teri Wellbrock. You can listen in on iTunes, Blubrry or directly on my website at www.teriwellbrock.com/podcasts/. You can also watch our interview on YouTube.
I enjoyed this beautiful conversation with Jessie Graham on her work with clients, teachers, and students utilizing her co-creating change philosophies and techniques.
Jessie shared the following with me (and made my heart smile with her words!):
“Wow Teri,You are really good at what you do! I felt so comfortable on the interview. I am grateful for this opportunity and for meeting you! My purpose is being supported through your podcast!” Find out more about the amazing work Jessie is doing at:
I was excited to have Anna Runkle, the Crappy Childhood Fairy, join me for a deep and powerful conversation about her Crappy Childhood Fairy mission, courses, philosophies, and more!
Anna Runkle is a video producer, speaker and writer, and is the author of the blog Crappy Childhood Fairy, where she cartoons and writes about her own childhood, growing up in a hippie family that struggled with alcohol, drugs, violence and poverty. In the blog, Anna writes essays — with her characteristic tough love humor — about the challenges faced by many people with high ACE scores. In the blog and in her online course, Healing Childhood PTSD, she teaches simple techniques that she’s used to overcome the nervous system dysregulation that so often accompanies Childhood PTSD. She’s currently working on a new online course, Dating and Relationships for People with Childhood PTSD, to be released during the holidays. When she’s not blogging, she produces marketing and training videos for healthcare and business clients at her company Click to Play Media. She lives with her husband and two teenage sons in Berkeley, California.
As shared from the Crappy Childhood website: “I didn’t know then that what I had was Childhood PTSD. It’s a little different than the kind that soldiers get (which is triggered by events in adulthood). Mine became obvious one day in 1994 when I was attacked on the street, and was knocked unconscious. My injuries healed but I could not focus my mind enough to read or use the phone for several months. I had panic attacks and depression, and began falling into an emotional abyss. In the nick of time, I was shown a particular daily practice of writing and meditating that immediately made me feel better. Over the last 24 years I’ve shown this technique to hundreds of people who seemed to suffer similarly to me, though none of us had a name for it before.”
Thanks for listening in to this inspirational conversation!
You can also watch our interview on YouTube. So exciting!
A friend of mine is a therapist, working with adults/teens in the Greater Cincinnati area, and one of her specialties in DBT or dialectical behavior therapy. I decided an interview with her would be a great addition to this newsletter. Thank you, Lauren O’Keefe, MS, for sharing your brilliant DBT insights with us.
1) What exactly is DBT?
This is such a common question! My immediate thought, “Um, DBT is DBT, what do you mean!” But, in all seriousness, it refers to “Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.” It is a life changing treatment modality pioneered by the fantastic Marsha Linehan.
DBT focuses on high sensitivity and high reactivity to triggers. It focuses and can address so many things.The main focus is to target parasuicidal and suicidal behaviors. It’s also one of the only effective and research-based treatments for borderline personality disorder and eating disorders. It assists with allowing opposite and dialectical functioning to be true. For an example: “You can be scared AND strong.” Or, “ You can be trying your best AND still need to do better.” DBT is all about acceptance, peace and non judgment.
DBT is effective when the treatment as a whole is being followed. This treatment includes group therapy, individual therapy and phone coaching components.
2) Are therapists all trained in it or is it a specialized modality?
Like most modalities, you can do either. In order to specialize, you must demonstrate proficiency. This includes but not limited to: frequent trainings, research, frequent practice of the skills, etc.
If you decide to certify rather than specialize, the certification process is extensive for this modality. It is one personally I am preparing for. I currently identify as highly specialized, with over 2 years of DBT use and experience.
To certify you must complete all 4-5 separate trainings that are each 1-2 day trainings. You must read the CBT for Borderline Personality Book, and lead a year of DBT groups. Among this, you must ask participate in the DBT consult teams, acquire a letter of recommendation, and sit for the exam. These guidelines can change; but, when I last researched this, this is what I found. As extensive as it is, I respect it. It ensures the integrity of the treatment program and those practicing it.
3) Why should someone consider DBT?
Why wouldn’t you consider it? That’s the true question! Yes, it targets parasuicide and suicide behaviors. It also can address a slew of issues such as: interpersonal instability, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, anxiety of any degree, depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder. It can also assist with trauma symptoms and providing a large amount of stability skills for those dealing with PTSD. The uses for this treatment are endless. It can be used for just about any clinical problem or concern.
4) How long does it take to notice a therapeutic impact?
This is a very hard question to answer for any counseling approach. The effectiveness and improvement times are determined by client commitment. If you work in sessions and are committed to progress- in and out of appointments- then one can see progress within a few months. But, this is highly dependent on the patient.
5) What is a typical session like?
A typical session is like a traditional therapy session, the only difference is we have a whole binder of skills we weave into the sessions and teach to assist the patient in acquiring, generalizing and strengthening. DBT differs in that it requires group therapy to be effective. The Groups assist with faster skill acquisition and they function as a skill classroom. Without the groups, progress can be slower in my opinion.
6) Do you assign homework to clients?
ABSOLUTELY!!!! DBT group and individual rely heavily on homework and patient accountability. If they don’t commit, progress is stagnant.
As a therapist, we have an easy job so to speak. We teach and guide. Patients have the hard job, they have to put it into action. You cannot expect things to get better if you do nothing to change the circumstances. Homework forces the circumstances to change— and boy do they! Trust the work!
7) What are some goals a client might seek to attain while utilizing DBT?
One we use as a blanket goal is: “Create a life worth living.” This leaves it up to the patient to self direct. Trouble with panic attacks? Trouble with maintaining friendships? Trouble with boundaries? Self harming? Done done done! DBT has got your back! You are the driver! You tell us what your perfect life would be, and we help you create and achieve it.
In order to get through hell, you have to go through hell, and once you’re free, you are free. Trust the journey.
Hope this helps!
Please remember:Healing is possible and you are so very worthy of that gift!
